And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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