Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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