I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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