his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
