@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
