what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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