All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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