you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
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