I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
