I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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