Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
