hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
