I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
