I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
