So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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