you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
