what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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