I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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