Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
