the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
