You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
