Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.