Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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