I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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