A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
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Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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