I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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