Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
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OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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