if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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