Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
