i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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