haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
