Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
