he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
