we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
