I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
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we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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