I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
