so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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