I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
