matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She even gives head with a lisp.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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