I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
