k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
