There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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