i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
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