Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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