they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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