I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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