dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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