i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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