I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You ruined the universe
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
