Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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