While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
