then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
