It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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