Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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