Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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