believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
