I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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