Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
