I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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