he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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