we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
