discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
